Gordon Ramsay vs Julia Child
Epic Rap Battles of History

[Intro]

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

GORDON RAMSAY!

VERSUS!

JULIA CHILD!

BEGIN!

[Gordon Ramsay]

And that's how you make a perfect risotto

Right, Mrs. Child, welcome to the grown-ups' table

I've got exactly two minutes and you should be grateful

Cause I'm in the fucking weeds with all these shows to pitch

I keep my ovens preheated and my pilots green-lit

I'm a seasoned skillet, you're a PAM-sprayed pan

I've got Michelin stars, you're like the Michelin Man

I'm rolling in dough, like Beef Wellington from hollering

And I'm shitting on you like I'm wack flows intolerant

[Julia Child]

Oh, isn't that a wonderful thing?

A grumpy little chef who thinks he can bring

Enough stuff to justify getting rough

With the butter-loving queen of the bourguignon boeuf

I rock hard as concrete on top of these bomb beats

Been chopping the pommes frites since you sucked on your mom's teats

I served America dutifully, and I sliced lard beautifully

I reigned supreme from shark repellent to charcuterie

Go on and cross your arms in that b-boy stance

And when it comes to haute cuisine, there's one F-word: France

Here's a nice amuse-bouche, take a poor abused youth

Set a thirty-year timer, voila! Huge douche!

You're a namby-pamby candy-assed pansy, Gordon Ramsay

You couldn't rap your way out of a pastry bag, understand me?

I laugh and create, you berate and destroy

But fear, my dear boy, is less scrumptious than joy

[Gordon Ramsay]

I'm glad that you got that off your giant, flabby chest

I'd call you a Donkey but you look more like Shrek

When the Iron Man chef busts a rhyme

I'll open up on you like a fine red wine

I'm a culinary innovator, you're no creator

Regurgitating French plates like a glorified translator

I'm fresh, you're past your expiration date

Alright, fuck it, blue team, drop the bouillabaisse (yes, chef!)

I've seen your little show and it sure ain't pretty

One part Big Bird, two parts Miss Piggy

You can't test me with your fatty recipes

Call your book Mastering the art of heart disease

I mean its rubbish (yes, chef!)

look at page 408

tell me who the fuck (yes, chef!)

wants to learn to cook calf brains?

You call these rhymes raw? (no, chef!)

they're stale and soft

now here take this jacket

now give it back and fuck off!

[Julia Child]

Oh please,

your defeat's guaranteed

concede

I've got this in the bag (Sous Vide!)

Michelin indeed

you've done well for yourself

but as a person

you couldn't get a star on Yelp!

I could freeze a steak

with those frosted tips

what's with that bitter taste

in every word from your lips?

you scream at women

but the fits that you're pitching

make you the prissiest bitch in the kitchen!

I'll pat you on the head

melt you and stick it to ya

anything's good with enough butter

Booya!

Oh I'm so glad

you spent this time with me

now eat a dick

Bon Appetit!


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Lyrics by Epic Rap Battles of History

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