At the early age of threenIt first occured to menA girl should always try to improve herself.nWhile the others played with toysnI practiced charm and poise.nAnd finished Dr. Elliot's five foot shell.nI exercised each morning, nCold creamed my face each night,nSaw my dentist twice a year,nCurbed my appetite.nAnd so I modestly admitnIt didn't help one single bit!nnSome girls can make any man dreamnBy flashing an innocent gleam.nMe, I do and hiccup, curl my upper lip up,nLight a roman candle and scream.nI have to do it the hard way!nnSome girls can wear any old ragsnAnd capture the wolves and the stags.nMe, I dress in sables, walk across the tablesnWaving three American flags.nI have to do it the hard way.nnLet's say there's a dancenThey're playing a waltz.nAnd I want romance,nThat's when I begin turning sommersalts.nnSome girls can keep men on their toesnBy smiling and throwing a rose,nMe, I wrack my noodle, whistle Yankee DoodlenBalancing a broom on my nose.nOh Ima telling you why!nI have to do it the hard way.nI have to do it the hard way.nnSuppose there's a park,nA boy on a bench.nI'm out for a larknSo I make him fall with a monkey wrench.nnWhen someone like Hedy LamarrnSteps into the swankiest bar,nAll the fellas get upnLight her cigarette up.nMe, I'd have to smoke a cigar.nAnd then they call me a car.nnDr., is there a chance for me?nCan't you cure this insanity?nI'm tired of tearing up the town being one of the sightsnWearing funny hats trimmed in neon lights.nWhy must all I always be bettered and scornednDoin' everything the hard way?