Dear Santa
Jay Brannan

Dear Santa
The thing is this year has been lame
It always seemed
I always dreamed by now I'd have someone elses last name

Way past grown
Sleeping in a shrunken bed
All alone (unless you count the squatters tearing up my head)
Tried so hard to be good all year long and we are all inherently bad
Anne Frank had it wrong

Santa, oh Santa
Where were you last night?
I asked for nothing
I even left some cookies right by the open window
I don't have a chimney
Just a heart of gold
You see
Imagine my surprise that not even Santa wants cookies from me

Dear Santa,
Could you use a six foot one elf?
I'm sick of taking stock from this widows walk
Up here searching for myself
Is there any way I could hop aboard your sleigh?
Take a holiday, leave the work to me, your red-nosed blue Jay
When people say the joy you brings, a children's thing, does it sting?
Cuz, I will ring silver bells and sing you're as real as Martin Luther King

Santa, oh Santa
Where were you last night?
I asked for nothing
I even left some cookies right by the open window
I don't have a chimney
Just a heart of gold
You see
Imagine my surprise that not even Santa wants cookies from me

Chocolate chip
Oatmeal raisin
Gingerbread too
A full selection from my convection in little shapes of you
Free flowing ho•ho•ings a lot for one man's jaws
If you're feelin' brittle
I can bake a little Mrs. for your claus

Santa, oh Santa
Where were you last night?
I asked for nothing
I even left some cookies right by the open window
I don't have a chimney
Just a heart of gold
You see
Imagine my surprise that not even Santa wants cookies from me

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