Broad Lic Nic
Doug Anthony Allstars

It's a broad lick nicht and I'll tell you while I'm able

Or I'll smash your skull if you don't drink enough Black Label

It's a hard man's drink and though the bottle's broken

Put your money on the table, strain the glass through your teeth

We grew up lean, mean, kings of the street scene

Without a mother's guiding hand to keep us clean

Down your rum, we'll take life as it comes

And all you blue rinse critics lick our literary bums


I drank my first pure malt before I was three

Smoked a pack of Dutch cigarettes my pappy left for me

And I romanced a little lass who was twelve years my elder

At the age of six I held her

That year I also bed her

So before I was seven

My first child was born

I told a pack of filthy lies as a politician

Heard my own confession as act of contrition

I spent ten years as a Trappist monk in a village in Tibet

And I walked up Everest naked just to win a bet


Well I cut off my leg to win a one legged race

And when I won I stitched it on my little sister's stomach

I fought Mohammed Ali, I've seduced Mata Hari

I've even worn a sari when I impersonated Gandhi

And I dare any man here to call me a liar

But I swear I've seen Ezekiel, I swear I've seen Isaiah

Toasting marshmallows in Beelzebub's fire



And we're mad, bad, dangerous to know

We never gave a tinker's cuss about the seeds we'd sow

And we stay up late and never be forlorn

And when the morning comes around we'll kiss the crack of dawn

We took the wax from Kerouacs and dusty Dostoevskys

And when all was said and done booze was all I had left me

For all the world's great thinkers are all a load of pus

And if you asked how Zarathustra spoke, he spoke thus:


Drink! Drink! Drink!

Drink until you're drunk

Drink until you can't stand up

Till you're roly poly stung

Till your bladder bursts, till you throw up fit to burst

Till they lift you up still comatose and slam you in the hearse


And we're good, bad, ugly as sin

We mixed up cough syrup with our gin

So take your medicine

I pray that when I die

There'll be someone else around to kiss my arse goodbye

Yes I pray, I pray, I pray that when I die

There'll be someone else around to kiss my arse goodbye


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Lyrics by Doug Anthony Allstars

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