You are old, Father William, the young man saidAnd your hair has become very whiteAnd yet you incessantly stand on your headDo you think, at your age, it is right?In my youth, Father William replied to his sonI feared it might injure the brainBut now that I'm perfectly sure I have noneWhy, I do it again and againI am oldI am oldI will tell you againI am oldYou are old, said the youth, as I mentioned beforeAnd have grown most uncommonly fatYet you turned a back-somersault in at the doorPray, what is the reason of that?In my youth, said the sage, as he shook his gray locksI kept all my limbs very suppleBy the use of this ointment, one shilling a boxAllow me to sell you a couple?I am oldI am oldIt's a statement, in factI am oldYou are old, said the youth, and your jaws are too weakFor anything tougher than suetYet you finish the goose, with the bones and the beakPray, how did you manage to do it?In my youth, said his father, I took to the lawAnd argued each case with my wifeAnd the muscular strength which it gave to my jawHas lasted the rest of my lifeI am oldI am oldThere's not much more to sayI am oldYou are old, said the youth, one would hardly supposeThat your eye was as steady as everYet you balanced an eel on the end of your noseWhat made you so awfully clever?I have answered three questions, and that is enoughSaid his father, don't give yourself airs!Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?Be off or I'll kick you downstairsDownstairsDownstairsBe off or I'll kick you downstairs!
Lyrics by They Might Be Giants
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