Listen, everyonennThere were objects so peculiarnThey were not to be believednAll around, things to tantalize my brainnIt's a world unlike anything I've ever seennAnd as hard as I trynI can't seem to describenLike a most improbably dreamnBut you must believe when I tell you thisnIt's as real as my skull and it does existnHere, let me show younThis is a thing called a presentnThe whole thing starts with a boxnA box?nIs it steel?nAre there locks?nIs it filled with a pox?nA poxnHow delightful, a poxnIf you pleasenJust a box with bright-colore papernAnd the whole thing's topped with a bownA bow?nBut why?nHow uglynWhat's in it?nWhat's in it?nThat's the point of the thing, not to knownIt's a batnWill it bend?nIt's a ratnWill it break?nPerhaps it's the head that I found in the lakenListen now, you don't understandnThat's not the point of Christmas landnNow, pay attentionnNow we pick up an oversized socknAnd hang it like this on the wallnOh, yes! Does it still have a foot?nLet me see, let me looknIs it rotted and covered with gook?nHmm, let me explainnThere's no foot inside, but there's candynOr sometimes it's filled with small toysnSmall toysnDo they bite?nDo they snap?nOr explode in a sack?nOr perhaps they just spring outnAnd scare girls and boysnWhat a splendid ideanThis Christmas sounds funnI full endorse itnLet's try it at oncenEveryone, please now, not so fastnThere's something here that you don't quite graspnWell, I may as well give them what they wantnAnd the best, I must confess, I have saved for the lastnFor the ruler of this Christmas landnIs a fearsome king with a deep mighty voicenLeast that's what I've come to understandnAnd I've also heard it toldnThat he's something to beholdnLike a lobster, huge and rednAnd he sets out to slay, with his rain gear onnCarting bulging sacks with his big great armsnThat is, so I've heard it saidnAnd on a dark, cold nightnUnder full moonlightnHe flies into a fognLike a vulture in the skynAnd they call him Sandy ClawsnWell, at least they're excitednBut they don't understandnThat special kind of feeling in Christmas landnOh well...