The sweet pretty things are in bed now, of courseThe city fathers they're trying to endorseThe reincarnation of Paul Revere's horseBut the town has no need to be nervousThe ghost of Belle Starr, she hands down her witsTo Jezebel, the nun, she violently knitsA bald wig for Jack, the ripper, who sitsAt the head of the chamber of commerceMama's in the factory, she ain't got no shoesDaddy's in the alley, he's lookin' for foodAnd I'm in the kitchen with the tombstone bluesThe hysterical bride in the penny arcadeScreaming she moans, I've just been madeThen sends out for the doctor who pulls down the shadeAnd says, My advice is to not let the boys inNow, the medicine man comes and he shuffles insideHe walks with a swagger and he says to the brideStop all that weeping and swallow your prideYou will not die, it's not poisonWell John, the Baptist, after torturing a thiefLooks up at his hero, the Commander-in-ChiefSaying, Tell me great hero but please make it briefIs there a hole for me to get sick in?Mama's in the factory, she ain't got no shoesDaddy's in the alley, he's lookin' for foodAnd I'm in the kitchen with the tombstone bluesThe Commander-in-Chief answers him while chasing a flySaying, Death to all those who would whimper and cryAnd dropping a bar bell, he points to the skySaying, The sun's not yellow, it's chickenThe king of the Philistines, his soldiers to savePut jawbones on their tombstones and flatters their gravesPut the pied pipers in prison and fattens the slavesThen sends them out to the jungleGypsy Davey with a blowtorch, he burns out their campsWith his faithful slave Pedro behind him, he trampsWith a fantastic collection of stampsTo win friends and influence his uncleMama's in the factory, she ain't got no shoesDaddy's in the alley, he's lookin' for foodAnd I'm in the kitchen with the tombstone bluesThe geometry of innocence, flesh on the boneCauses Galileo's math book to get thrownAt Delilah, who's sits worthlessly aloneBut the tears on her cheeks are from laughterNow, I wish I could give Brother Bill his great thrillI would set him in chains at the top of the hillThen send out for some pillars and Cecil B. DeMilleHe could die happily ever afterMama's in the factory, she ain't got no shoesDaddy's in the alley, he's lookin' for foodAnd I'm in the kitchen with the tombstone bluesWhere Ma Raney and Beethoven once unwrapped their bed rollTuba players will now rehearse around the flagpoleAnd the National Bank for a profit, sells road maps for the soulTo the old folks, home and the collegeNow, I wish I could write you a melody so plainThat could hold you dear lady from going insaneThat could ease you and cool you and cease the painOf your useless and pointless knowledgeMama's in the factory, she ain't got no shoesDaddy's in the alley, he's lookin' for foodAnd I'm in the kitchen with the tombstone bluesGot the tombstone bluesTombstone blues
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