Master: Approach students. Close the circle at the feet of the master. You have come to me asking that I be your guide along the path of tae-kwon-leep, but be warned. To learn it's ways, you must learn the ways of your own soul. Let us meditate on this wisdom now.
Ed: Uh sir... sir... ooo! ooo! Sir!
Master: Who disturbs our meditation as a pebble disturbs a pond?
Ed: Me. Ed Gooberman.
Master: E... Ed Gooberman.
Ed: Yeah. No disrespect or nothing, but like how long is this going to take?
Master: Tae-Kwon-Leep is not a path to a door, but a road leading forever towards the horizon.
Ed: So like, what, an hour or so?
Master: No, no. We have not even begun upon the path. Ed Gooberman, you must learn patience.
Ed: Yeah, yeah, patience. How long will that take?
Master: Time has no meaning. To a true student, a year is as a day.
Ed: A year! I wanna beat people up right now! I got the pajamas. Ha... yo... wa... wooo!
Master: Beat people up?
Ed: Yeah, just show me all those nifty moves so I can start trashing bozo's. That's all I came here for. Yo-as-ta-ta-shah! Pretty good aye?
Master: The only use of Tae-Kwon-Leep is self defense. Do you know who said that? Ki-lo-knee, the great teacher.
Ed: Yeah, well the best defense is a good o-fense. Do you know who said that? Mel, the cook on Alice.
Master: Well, umm... Tae-Kwon Leep is the wine of purity, not the vinigar of hostility. Meditate on this truth with us. Ahhh... ohhhhh...
Ed: Listen shrimp, now are you gonna show me those nifty moves, or am I gonna start waping the walls with you?
Master: Ed Gooberman, you fail to grasp Tae-Kwon Leep. Approach me so that you may see.
Ed: Alright, finally some action.
Master: Observe closely class. Boot to the Head [boom].
Ed: Ow, you booted me in the head!
Master: You are lucky Ed Gooberman. Few novices experiece so much of Tae-Kwon Leep so soon.
Ed: Ow, oh, my head.
Master: Now we continue.
Ed: Hey, hey, I wasn't ready! Come and get me now, come on, are you chicken?
Master: Boot to the head [boom].
Ed: Ow! Okay, now I'm ready, come on, try it now.
Master: Boot to the head [boom].
Ed: Mind if I just lie down here for a minute? Ow.
Master: Now class, we shall return to our...
Student 1: Master.
Master: It is wrong to tip the vessle of knowledge student.
Student 1: Many apologies master, but I feel Ed Gooberman is not wholly wrong.
Master: What do you mean?
Student 1: I want to boot some head too.
Master: Have you learned nothing from the lesson of Ed Gooberman?
Student 1: Yes master, I have learned two things. First, that anger is a weapon only to ones oppenent.
Master: Very good.
Student 1: And get in the first shot. Boot to the head [half a boom].
Master: You missed.
Student 1: Uh, yeah, well...
Master: You to shall be honored to learn a lesson.
Student 1: Ya know, I can... you don't have to ya know... I gotta be going...
Master: Boot to the Head [boom].
Student 1: ooo... ya... ehh... ooooogggg... awwwwww
Master: Can anyone tell us what lesson has been learned here?
Student 2: Uh, yes master, not a single one of could defeat you.
Master: You gain wisdom child.
Student 2: So we'll have to gang up on you! Get him now!
Master: Boot... [boom]... boot to... [boom]... ht... [boom], [boom], [boom] [boom] [boom], [boom] [boom]... [boom]
Master: And now class, let us rejoin the mind to the body, and gaze into the heart of the candle in meditation. Ahh... owwww...
Students: ahhh... oooooowwwww...
Master: Very good, class.
Ti Kwan Leep
The Frantics
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Lyrics by The Frantics
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