Ed Gruberman: Hey, you! Is this where you join the Canadian armed forces?
Recruiter: This is the Recruitment Center. Would you like to enlist?
Ed Gruberman: Do you have guns?
Recruiter: Yes, we do.
Ed Gruberman: I'm in!
Recruiter: Well done, welcome aboard. First the paperwork. Name?
Ed Gruberman: Ed. Ed Gruberman. I can't wait to boot some head!
Recruiter: All right. Well, would you like Army, Navy, or Air Force?
Ed Gruberman: Who has the most guns?
Recruiter: Uh, Army.
Ed Gruberman: I want Army.
Recruiter: Okay! Now which course would you like?
Ed Gruberman: Courses?
Recruiter: Yes, to learn a career.
Ed Gruberman: I don't want a career, I want a gun. I want a biiiig gun!
Recruiter: Everyone wants a free education. It's our incentive to enlist. Now, pick three from this pamphlet.
Ed Gruberman: Introduction to International Politics? Computers 101? Antique Restoration?
Recruiter: Yes, that qualifies you to work on our helicopters.
Ed Gruberman: Look! Don't you have any courses with guns?
Recruiter: Well, yes. Last page.
Ed Gruberman: Intro to Ammo? Advanced Wounding? Creative Bazookas?! Ooh, ooh! I'll take all these!
Recruiter: Fine. Uh, any mental diseases or physical deformities?
Ed Gruberman: Okay, I'll take paranoia, three nipples, and uh--
Recruiter: No no no no. I mean--
Ed Gruberman: What? Oh.
Recruiter: Nev-never mind. Would you like in on the pension plan?
Ed Gruberman: No.
Recruiter: Christmas club?
Ed Gruberman: No!
Recruiter: King or Queen size?
Ed Gruberman: Look, I want a gun! I want to kill people!
Recruiter: What, who?
Ed Gruberman: Uh, Afghanis.
Recruiter: We're not at war with them.
Ed Gruberman: We will be after I start killin' em!
Recruiter: No, we don't kill people.
Ed Gruberman: Not even Al Qaeda?
Recruiter: Oh, no no no. They're dangerous. We don't want to get them angry.
Ed Gruberman: What a wimp!
Recruiter: I'm not a wimp! I'm EXTREMELY tough. I do advanced Pilates.
Ed Gruberman: You're a wimp! Have you shot anyone lately?
Recruiter: Well, the Canadian Army isn't about shooting people. It's about career training and being all you can be on a limited budget.
Ed Gruberman: I want to bathe in a geyser of enemy blood!
Recruiter: That hardly sounds sanitary.
Ed Gruberman: SCREW sanitary! I want to blow things up like in Shaving Ryan's Privates!
Recruiter: No no, no. The-the movie was Saving Private Ryan.
Ed Gruberman: What movie?
Recruiter: Look-- I--
Ed Gruberman: What?
Recruiter: What? I--
Ed Gruberman: Look, let me explode a few buildings!
Recruiter: No!
Ed Gruberman: One stab wound!
Recruiter: No, our insurance rate will go up.
Ed Gruberman: What are you, a bunch of girls?!
Recruiter: NO! Well, ek-except for the girls.
Ed Gruberman: There's GIRLS in the army?!
Recruiter: And they're just as tough as the men.
Ed Gruberman: So they don't shoot anyone either, huh?
Recruiter: Well, that's not what we do!
Ed Gruberman: Wimp! What DO you do?
Recruiter: Peacekeeping.
Ed Gruberman: Wimp.
Recruiter: Border patrol.
Ed Gruberman: Wimp.
Recruiter: Parades.
Ed Gruberman: Wimp!
Recruiter: Typing.
Ed Gruberman: Wimp!
Recruiter: Filing.
Ed Gruberman: WIMP!
Recruiter: That does it! Get out of here before I do something!
Ed Gruberman: Oh, I'm real scared! What are you gonna do, file me out?
Recruiter: Uh, wait-wait a minute. Just what are you doing here anyway?
Ed Gruberman: I told you! I want a gun, I want a lot of guns, I want to start killing anyone I disagree with!
Recruiter: Oh-ho. Oh, you want the AMERICAN army.
Ed Gruberman: Oh, okay, thank you. Bye-bye!
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Army Careers
The Frantics
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Lyrics by The Frantics
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Canton - Japan
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Army of Me (The Liquid Riot Mix) - Bjork
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Army Dreamers - Kate Bush
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Army of Me - Bj\u00f6rk
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Secret Police, Secret Army - Aus Rotten
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Uncle Jam - Funkadelic
Army of me (Graham Massey mix) - Bjork
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My Army Of Lovers - Army Of Lovers
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Exactly What We Don't Want To Hear - Game Theory
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One Woman Army - Porcelain Black
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Navy Fight Song - Navy
Army of Rubber Bands (Version 1) - Mars
In My Remains - Linkin Park
Two Tone Army - Toasters
Mrs. Ward - Electric Light Orchestra
Release yo' Delf - Method Man
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Voiceless Army - Crystalic
Little Army - Sea Oleena
Army Invincible - Chiba-ken
Army Boy - River City Rebels
Fred Army - Sick Of It All
eros army - Joel & James
Roc Army - Sparks
Jah Army - Stephen Marley
Army Song - Abrasive Wheels
Army Gunz - Birdman
Army Gunz - Birdman
Army Reserve - Pearl Jam
Army Guns - Lil Wayne
Army Guns - Lil' Wayne
Underground Army - Anastacia
Animal Army - Babylon Zoo
Army Gunz - Birdman & Lil Wayne
Army Dub - Gomez
Rod Army - Die Ärzte
Underground Army - Casualties
Army Gunz - Lil' Wayne
Barmy Army - Acid Drinkers
Pineapple Army - Abingdon Boys School
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Army Song - Abrasive Wheels
