You know what, Stuart, I LIKE YOU. You're not like the other
people, here, in the trailer park.
Oh, don't go get me wrong. They're fine people, they're
good Americans. But they're content to sit back, maybe
watch a little Mork and Mindy on channel 57, maybe kick
back a cool, Coors 16-ouncer. They're good, fine people,
Stuart. But they don't know ... what the queers are doing
to the soil!
You know that Jonny Wurster kid, the kid that delivers papers
in the neighborhood. He's a foreign kid. Some of the neighbors
say he smokes crack, but I don't believe it.
Anyway, for his tenth birthday, all he wanted was a Burrow Owl.
Kept bugging his old man. Dad, get me a burrow owl. I'll never
ask for anything else as long as I live. So the guy
breaks down and buys him a burrow owl.
Anyway, 10:30, the other night, I go out in my yard, and there's
the Wurster kid, looking up in the tree. I say, What are
you looking for? He says I'm looking for my burrow owl.
I say, Jumping Jesus on a Pogo Stick. Everybody knows
the burrow owl lives. In a hole. In the ground. Why the hell do you
think they call it a burrow owl, anyway? Now Stuart, do you
think a kid like that is going to know what the queers are
doing to the soil?
I first became aware of this about ten years ago, the summer
my oldest boy, Bill Jr. died. You know that carnival comes into
town every year? Well this year they came through with a ride
called The Mixer. The man said, Keep your head, and arms, inside
the Mixer at all times. But Bill Jr, he was a DAAAREDEVIL, just
like his old man. He was leaning out saying Hey everybody,
Look at me! Look at me! Pow! He was decapitated! They found
his head over by the snow cone concession.
A few days after that, I open up the mail. And there's a pamphlet
in there. From Pueblo, Colorado, and it's addressed to Bill, Jr.
And it's entitled, Do you know what the queers are doing to our
soil?
Now, Stuart, if you look at the soil around any large US city,
there's a big undeground homosexual population. Des Moines, Iowa,
for an example. Look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart.
You can't build on it; you can't grow anything in it. The government
says it's due to poor farming. But I know what's really going on,
Stuart. I know it's the queers. They're in it with the aliens.
They're building landing strips for gay Martians, I swear to
God.
You know what, Stuart, I like you. You're not like the other
people, here in this trailer park.
Stuart
The Dead Milkmen
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Lyrics by The Dead Milkmen
(Theme From) Blood Orgy Of The Atomic Fern Air Crash Museum All Around the World Anderson, Walkman, Buttholes And How! At the Moment Bad Party Beach Party Vietnam Beach Song Beige Sunshine Belafonte's Inferno Big Deal Big Lizard Big Scary Place Big Time Operator Bitchin' Camaro Bleach Boys Born to Love Volcanos Brat in the Frat Chaos Theory City Of Mud Cousin Earl Crystalline Dean's Dream Do The Brown Nose Dollar Signs In Her Eyes Don't Deny Your Inner Child Earwig Epic Tales Of Adventure Everybody's Got Nice Stuff but Me Fifty Things Filet Of Sole God's Kid Brother Going To Graceland Gorilla Girl Happy Is Helicopter Interiors Here Comes Mr. X How It's Gonna Be Howard Beware I Against Osbourne I Am The Walrus I Can't Stay Awake I Dream Of Jesus I Hate You, I Love You I Hear Your Name I Started To Hate You I Tripped Over The Ottoman I Walk the Thinnest Line I'm Flying Away If I Had a Gun If You Love Somebody, Set Them On Fire In Praise Of Sha Na Na Instant Club Hit (You'll Dance To Anything) Jason's Head Jellyfish Heaven Junkie Khrissy Laundromat Song Leggo My Ego Let's Get The Baby High Life is Shit Like To Be Alone Little Man In My Head Little Volcano Lucky Methodist Coloring Book Moron My Many Smells Nitro Burning Funny Cars Nobody Falls Like Not Crazy Now Everybody's Me Nutrition Part 3 Peter Bazooka Plum Dumb Punk Rock Girl Rastabilly RC's Mom Right Wing Pigeons Ringo Buys a Rifle Rocketship Serrated Edge Shaft in Greenland Silly Dreams Six Days Smokin' Banana Peels Spit Sink Sri Lanka Sex Hotel Surfin' Cow Swampland Of Desire Swordfish Tacoland Take Me Apart Take Me To The Specialist Takin' Retards To The Zoo The Badger Song The Big Sleazy The Blues Song The Conspiracy Song The Fez The Girl With The Strong Arm The Guitar Song The Infant Of Prague Customized My Van The Man Who Rides The Bus The Pit The Secret of Life The Thing That Only Eats Hippies The Woman Who Was Also A Mongoose Tiny Town Train I Ride Two Feet Off The Ground V.F.W. Vince Lombardi Service Center Violent School Watching Scotty Die When I Get To Heaven Where The Tarantula Lives Wonderfully Colored Plastic War Toys
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