and so at last i can looknpeeking through wirednand crisscross fingersnat these marks that we madenknife blade deep in the wood.nnwe thought we'd marked our namesnto last through all the yearsna record of our aspirations.nwe'd come back and looknwhen our joints didn't work.nni never used to understand why my father sighed.nnthese plants smile at me now. ni wish i could say i was old and wisenbut bark has started to healnfading like breath on a windownni never used to understand why my father sighednhis once-a-year friends waved away... nni used to know the way back homenso i'd wander for days.ni left a trail so i could find myselfnbut it faded away.nnand so i tell you this with an honestyni'm not sure i understand ni'm paralyzed and terrified as i watchnthese friends slip through my hands.nnand now i think i understand why my father sighed:nwe tried so hard but we keep feeling dead inside.nni used to know the way back home but the memory has gone.nand when i tell you i'll be home again it's because i'm sure where i belong.