Rudolph Rap
David Wilcox

You've heard Dasher and Dancer and Comet and Blitzen--

Do you recall the most famous reindeer of all?

You can call me Rudy, I don't mind
You can tell me from the others by the way my nose shines
It was a point of contention, an embarrassment
How was I to know it would be heaven-sent?
I was chillin' on my own at the top of the world
The North Pole joint, with the fat boy Kris
Steps up to this fly rein-girl
She says, Yo, homeboy, you better listen to this:
Anyone can see you got an interest in me
I can truly understand it; I'm as def as can be
From my bad Bambi tail to my hot hoof feet
I'm the sweetest little reindeer that you ever gonna meet
But you got a little nightlight at the end of your face
Every time you get excited, you illuminate the place.
Can't be your girl--ain't no way--
I don't hang with no boy who ain't pulling the sleigh
So beat feet. Scram. You hear what I'm sayin'?
Shiny-nosed sucker, go away, I ain't playin'

She was--she was--it's true
She was cold; I was down, I ain't lyin' to you.
That Bambi-shakin' rein-girl left me sad and blue
But I promised myself I'd have her for my own
Cuz it was Christmas Eve, and I was all alone
Kris Kringle, that cat, was in a jam alright
He didn't have his Ever-ready's ready that night
He said, Yo, homeboy, with your incandescent snoot
I need your help to deliver this loot.
I said, Dang. For real? You got to be jivin'.
You gonna hook me to the brunt of the ride that you be drivin'?
He said, Yo, I'm as serious as a heart attack
I got a lot of little goodies in my Santa Claus sack.
But the fog is so thick and so dark and so black
I can't see my way there, much less get back.

Wha-wha-well, the next thing you know,
I'm in front of the sleigh
I say, Yo, this is dope. We be on our way.
And the rest, as they say, is history.
I got the Bambi-shakin' rein-girl next to me.
She says, Oh, Rudy!
I say, Yo. Slide me some HOOF.

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Lyrics by David Wilcox

(You Were) Going Somewhere A Different Kind of War Advertising Man After Your Orgasm All My Life All The Roots Grow Deeper All the Roots Grow Deeper When It's Dry Apple a Day Ask for More Bad Apple Bad Reputation Bail My Boat Barbie Between The Lines Beyond Belief Big Mistake Block Dog Blood Money Blow 'Em Away Blue Horizon Boob Job Brain Fever Break in the Cup Breakfast At The Circus Burgundy Heart-Shaped Medallion Cabin Fever Cabin Fever Captain Wanker Carry All The Water Catch Me If I Try Cheap Beer Joint Chet Baker's Unsung Swan Song Chet Baker's Unsung Swansong Circle Driveway City of Dreams Cold Come Away to Sea Coming Alive Common as the Rain Covert War Daddy's Money Dangerous Deeper Still Distant Water Do I Dare Do The Bearcat Don’t Look Back Down Here Down Inside Yourself Downtown Came Uptown Dream Again Dream In The Cup East Asheville Hardware Eastern Appalachian Roadside Art Eye Of The Hurricane Eye of the Hurricane [#] Fall Away Farther to Fall Fartherest Shore Farthest Shore Fearless Love Fire In My Bones For Real Freeze To Me Frozen in the Snow Get It Out of the Way Get On Glory Golden Day Golden Key Gone to Santa Fe Good Man Good Together Grateful for Her Beauty Guilty By Degree Guilty Either Way Guitar Shopping High Hill Hold It up to the Light Home Within Your Heart Hometown How Did You Find Me Here How Long Human Cannonball If It Wasn't for the Night In the Broken Places In This Stream In This Terrarium Into One Invisible Shield It's Almost Time It's the Same Old Song It's What You Do With What You've Got Ivory Tower Jamie's Secret Johnny's Camaor Johnny's Camaro Just a Vehicle Kindness Language of the Heart Last Chance Waltz Last One Gone Lay Down In Your Arms Layin' Pipe Layin' Pipe Leave It Like It Is Leaving You Leaving You/Leaving You (Reprise) Let It Flow Let It Go Let Them In Levi Blues Little Piece at a Time Little White Lie Make It Look Easy Mango Mighty Ocean Miss You When You Go Missing You Modern World Moe Mow 'Em Down My Eyes Keep Me in Trouble My Eyes Keep Me in Trouble Native Tongue Never Enough New World Nightshift Watchman No Doubt About It No Far Away No Telling Where Not From Here Ocean Soul Oil Talking to Ya Older On A Roll On to the Next On Your Way Back Down Open Hand Our Town Out of the Question Outside Door Party of One Perfect Storm Plain View Please Don't Call Pop Out World Preachin' The Blues Prisoner of War Push, Push, Push Radio Men Reaper Sweepstakes Red Eye Reverie Right Now Right On Time Rise River Run Dry Riverboat Fantasy Roadside Art Rule #1 Rule Number One Rusty Old American Dream Same Shaker Saturday They'll All Be Back Again Secret Church Sex and Music Shake It Baby She's Just Dancing Show Me the Key Show the Way Silent Prayer Single Candle Slipping Through My Fist Someday Soon Somethin's Shakin' Soul Song Soul Song [*] Spin Spin [From The Guitar of David Wilcox] Spirit Wind Start With the Ending State Of Grace Step into Your Skin Still Life Stones Of Jerusalem Strong Chemistry Sunshine on the Land Tattered Old Kite Tear Out Your Heart That's What the Lonely Is For That's Why I'm Laughing That's What The Lonely Is For The Crossings The Grind The Kid The Natural Edge The Nightshift Watchman The Reason The Sacrifice The Song He Never Wrote The Terminal Tavern The Whisper of the Wheels This Old Car This Tattoo This Tattoo Three Brothers Time Between The Lightning And The Thunder Tip of My Tongue To Love Too Cool Top of My Head Top of the Roller Coaster Turning Point Underneath Vista Voodoo Morning Vow Of Silence Waiting For A Change We Call It Freedom We Came to Ride the Road Western Ridge What You Whispered When It's Dry When You Mistreat Her When You're Ready Which Way The Wind Blows Wild Child Wildberry Pie Wilford Brandon Hayes Winter At The Shore Words Alone You Should See the Way It Feels Young Man Dies

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