Breckman AndyMiscellaneousRailroad BillRailroad Bill by Andy Brickman Now Railroad Bill was a hard living manHe used to take his women two at a timeAnd everyone agreed he was the badest engineerThat ever driven down the Santa Fe lineHis name was known from the folks back homeTo the tippy top of telegraph hillAnd all the little boys when they were sneaking cigarettesThey used to dream about the Railroad Bill Well one day Bill was walking alongAnd he saw a kitten stuck in a treeWhen he saw what was the matter he ran to get a ladderTo set that kitty cat freeBill said no, ain't gonna do itAin't gonna climb up no treeThis is a stupid stupid song and no folk singerGonna make a fool outa me I said one day Bill was walking alongAnd he saw a kitten stuck in a treeWhen he saw what was the matter he ran to get a ladderTo set that kitty cat freeBill said no, ain't gonna do itAin't gonna do what you saidThis is a stupid stupid song and as far as I'm concernedThat cat can stay there till it's dead I said wait a minute Bill, you can't argue with meFor God's sake I just made you upI got the pen in my hand, I want you up in that treeI want that cat unstuckBill said no, I hate cats ain't gonna climb for no catHe said why don'tyou have me save a beautiful girlWho's been tied down to the railroad tracks? I said mayb% there'll be room in the 8th or 9th verseBut right now I want you up in that treeI'm the writer, God Damn, I got the pen in my handAnd you'e suposed to listen to meHe said you asshole!!Why should I listen to you, you should be listening to me insteadHe said I'm a railroad man and if I was realI'd seperate your face from your head You ungreatful brute, I cried, you pushed me too farI gotta show you I can do as I pleaseSo an earthquake came and it shook the whole terrainAnd it brought Railroad Bill to his kneesAnd then a tidal wave broke and everything got soakedBill was almost compleatly washed awayAnd then a big green monster from the planet Neptune landedAn bit Railroad Bill on the leg I got the pen in my hand!I can do what I wantI'm a bright new young talent on the riseSo get your ass up that tree or I swear you ain't gonnaGet out of my folk song alive He said you don't scare meYou might be funny, but you don't scare meAnd if you don't leave me alone I'm gonna tell everybodyWhere you stole this melodyBut before he could speak, his tongue fell outAnd he could not make a soundSuddenly he jumped on top of me and grabbed me by the neckAnd pulled me to the groundAnd he hit me in the stomachAnd he hit me in the face real hardI think he almost broke my noseJust then a lightning bolt came outa nowhereHit him right between the eyes and killed him instantly The cat came down from the tree, had a bowl of warm milkWent to sleep for the nightRailraod Bill is survived by a wife and three kidsDear God, I love to write...
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