Pirelli's Miracle Elixir
Sweeney Todd

TOBIAS:nLadies and gentlemen,nMay I have your attention, perlease?nDo you wake every morning in shame and despair,nDiscover your pillow is covered with hair?nWhat ought not to be there?nnWell, ladies and gentlemen,nFrom now on you can waken at easenYou may never again have a worry or care,nI will show you a miracle, marvelous rare,nGentlemen you are about to see something what rose from the dead,nOn the top of my head!nn'Twas Pirelli's Miracle Elixir,nThat's what did the trick sir,nTrue, sir, true,nWas it quick, sir?nDid it in a tick, sir?nJust like an elixir ought to do.nnHow about a bottle mister?nOnly costs a penny, guaranteed.nDoes Pirelli's stimulate the growth, sir?nYou can have my oath sir,n'Tis unique.nRub a minute,nStimulatin' i'n' it?nSoon you'll have to thin it once a week.nnTODD:nPardon me ma'am what's that awful stench?nnLOVETT:nAre we standing near an open trench?nnTODD:nMust be standing near an open trench.nnTOBIAS:nTry Pirelli's Miracle Elixir,nAnything what's slick, sir,nSoon sprouts curls,nTry Pirelli's,nWhen they see how thick, sir,nYou can have your pick, sir, of the girls!nWant to buy a bottle missus?nnTODD:nWhat is this?nnLOVETT:nWhat is this?nnTODD:nSmells like piss.nnLOVETT:nSmells like - phew!nnTODD:nLooks like piss.nnLOVETT:nWouldn't touch it if I was you, dear!nnTODD:nThis is piss. Piss with ink.nnTOBIAS:nLet Pirelli's activate your roots, sir.nnTODD:nKeep it off your boots, sir, eats right through.nnTOBIAS:nYes, get Pirelli's!nUse a bottle of it!nLadies seem to love it —nnLOVETT:nFlies do too.

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