One, two, turtles are bluenThree, four, Police are a borenFive, six, Trudi upped sticksnSeven, eight, you got no mates!nnBrimstone, treacle and younBreak a leg, boy on the moonnNo more Tyneside's favourite sonnJimmy Nail is number onennReading books by NabokovnSchool kids told you, Bugger off!nSo you sung about dread and fearnYou're a legal alien, dearnnWhile you were out saving treesnYour accountant doubled his fees. nFive million down the drainnPoor old teacher's got no brain!nnSo many crimes committed to waxnAndy's hanging up his axenCopeland went on to equalisenSting’s a bell boy in disguise