If You Must (lp version)
Del Tha Funkee Homosapien

It's important to practice good hygiene

At least if you want to run with my team

I'm 'bout to get into some shit that I've seen

This fool's breath formants so bad it'll melt your ice cream

They say don't say nothing if you can't say nice things

Sittin' too close and hear my boy like my eye sting

I tired to be subtle, hand him a stick of gum

I was a victim of breath on the

Running his yap about what sets he from

Gotta get some gum, gotta gets him some

He turned it down, his teeth was brown

Excruciating, boring, it was a new sensation

I had to ask the dope to pass the soap

'Cuz his toe had the stench of crustaceans

Or bathrooms in the bus station

He had a can of oh he had some raisins

Amazin'

Head to toe BO, he didn't know

Used to the fragrance

Just as the days went without bathin'

He felt manly and not like a maiden

He had one dread and fungus

Said he worked on people's toilets with plungers

Girls thought the guy we were with the tongue, yo

So guys take your queue from this little number

You gotta wash your ass, if you must

You gotta wash your hair, if you must

You gotta brush your teeth, if you must

Or else you'll be funk-ay

You gotta wash your ass, if you must

You gotta wash your hair, if you must

You gotta brush your teeth, if you must

Or else you'll be funk-ay

You can never go down, and never go down

And never go down the drain

You can never go down, and never go down

And never go down the drain

You can never go down, and never go down

And never go down the drain

You can never go down, and never go down

And never go down the drain

Now in class you need total concentration

But there's kids in the back holding conversations

Crackin' on each other and neither were poster boys

Both of 'em smelled like the type that soap avoid

Coast enjoyed a leave of absence

One fool's feet smelled like it struck some matchsticks

Brimstone, girls would never bring him home

I was laughin' and his friend raised his tone and said

Bud, you rolled all over yourself, yeah

I know some people and your ass would be submerged

Like you need to do in water 'cuz you smell like a turd

Want a cap, get some courage your feet smell horrid

But look it up and while you at it get a cup

And squeeze the sweat out your sweatshirt and drink it or gargle

You get our vote for most stinkiest

That nigger started thinking the shit

Said I was frail, I said he was stale

Under arms is right, undergarments might

'Bout the leap out your holy sweats

Then we hold him messin' after this I'm gonna collect

Nigger check yourself, respect yourself

And watch your motherfuckin' body 'fore your sweatshirt melt

And ready your act of no lady find you attractive

The funk got you captive

You don't need a map, bitch

You gotta wash your ass, if you must

You gotta wash your hair, if you must

You gotta brush your teeth, if you must

Or else you'll be funk-ay

You gotta wash your ass, if you must

You gotta wash your hair, if you must

You gotta brush your teeth, if you must

Or else you'll be funk-ay

You can never go down, and never go down

And never go down the drain

You can never go down, and never go down

And never go down the drain

You can never go down, and never go down

And never go down the drain

You can never go down, and never go down

And never go down the drain

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