When I was just a childnBefore I would turn out the lightnI kneeled beside my bed and say my prayers every nightnnAsked God to keep me safenAnd keep everything alrightnThen I'd be real still and quiet until I could hear his replynnAnd God said wash your handsnOr your family will dienAnd grandpa will get cancernIf you don't touch the stove three timesnYour dog will run awaynIf you ever tell a liennNobody understandsnWhen God says wash your handsnWhen God says wash your handsnGod says wash your handsnnNow as the years went bynGod stood by me through the thin and thicknThough it seems that with his agenThe good Lord's gone a tad eccentricnnWhy I need to save my peenI don't understand a licknBut it's better I bet than to live with regretnSo I guess I better do itnnCause God said stay insidenOr get flesh-eating diseasenI'll totally make some kid retardednIf you don't throw salt when you sneezennAnd you'll never get to heavennUnless you kill Bill BellamynNobody understandsnWhen God says wash your handsnNobody understandsnWhen God says wash your handsnAnd I hope that it's all wrongnCause God said 'Don't sing this song'nAnd I hope that it's all wrongnCause God said 'Don't sing this song'