Say, Kate, can I ask you a question?SureWell, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?Uh huhWell, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate MonsterRightYou're both MonstersYeahAre you two related?What? Princeton I'm surprised at you, I find that racistOh, well, I'm sorry, I was just askingWell, it's a touchy subjectNo, not all monsters are relatedWhat are you trying say, huh?That we all look the same to you?Huh, huh, huh?No, no, no, oh, not at allI'm sorry, I guess that was a little racistI should say soYou should be much more carefulWhen you're talking about the sensitive subject of raceWell, look who's talkingWhat do you mean?What about that special Monster school you told me about?What about it?Could someone like me go there?No, we don't want people like youHa ha ha ha ha, you see?You're a little bit racistWell, you're a little bit tooI guess we're both a little bit racistAdmitting it is not an easy thing to doBut I guess it's trueBetween me and youI think everyone's a little bit racist sometimesDoesn't mean we go around committing hate crimesLook around and you will findNo one's really color blindMaybe it's a fact we all should faceEveryone makes judgments based on raceNo, not big judgments, like who to hireOr who to buy a newspaper fromNoNo, just little judgments like thinking that MexicanBusboys should learn to speak goddamn EnglishRightEveryone's a little bit racist todaySo, everyone's a little bit racist, okayEthnic jokes might be uncouthBut you laugh because they're based on truthDon't take them as personal attacksEveryone enjoys them, so relaxAll right, stop me if you've heard this oneOkayAlright there's a plan going downAnd there's only one parachuteAnd there's a Rabbi, a priestAnd a black guyWhatchoo talkin' 'bout Kate?UhYou were telling a black jokeWell, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokesI don'tWell, of course you don't, you're blackBut I bet you tell polack jokes, right?Well, sure I do, those stupid polacks, ha ha haNow, don't you think that's a little racist?Well, damn, I guess you're rightYou're a little bit racistWell, you're a little bit tooWe're all a little bit racistI think that I would have to agree with youWe're glad you doIt's sad but trueEveryone's a little bit racist, all rightAll rightAll rightAll rightBigotry has never beenExclusively whiteIf we all could just admitThat we are racist a little bitEven though we all know that it's wrongMaybe it would help us get alongOh, Christ do I feel good?Now there was a fine upstanding black manWho?Jesus ChristBut, Gary, Jesus was whiteNo, Jesus was blackNo, Jesus was whiteNo, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was blackGuys, guys, Jesus was jewishHey guys, what are you laughing about?RacismCoolBrian come back hereYou take out lecycurabursWhat's that mean?Um, recyclablesHey, don't laugh at herHow many languages do you speak?Oh, come off it, BrianEveryone's a little bit racistI'm notOh no?NopeHow many oriental wivesHave you got?What? BrianBrian, buddy, where you been?The term is Asian-AmericanI know you are no intending to beBut calling me oriental, offensive to meI'm sorry, honey, I love youAnd I love youBut you're racist, tooYes, I knowThe Jews have all the moneyAnd the whites have all the powerAnd I'm always in taxi cabWith driver who no showerMe tooMe tooI can't even get a taxiEveryone's a little bit racist, it's trueBut everyone is just about as racist as youIf we all could just admit that we are racist a little bitAnd everyone stopped being so P.C.Maybe we could live in harmonyEvlyone's a ritter bit lacist
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