Earthbound
Brentalfloss

Vat eef zee Earzbound... haaad... lyrics?!

Here we go!

Gather ‘round, let’s play Earthbound

A game that’s sure to please!

It’s a sequel to some “mother” game which is all in Japanese

One night a glowing meteor comes down from outer space

There’s a kid named Ness, and wouldn-cha guess?

he’s gonna save the human race!

So he gives him mom a kiss,

and with a family like this, it’s no wonder that he goes it alone, no,

I mean, his little baby sis, she runs a courier service, and his father is a telephone

DAD: You’re stepping on my cord, son.

BRENT:

This title shines! It’s sharp and funny, yet creepy

With wacky lines, Like “Poo needs water for PP”

But hey, that’s Earthbound, That’s why I love it, so

If you don’t like it, Feel free to shove it

Ness has a quest to fix the things that are wrong Americans

Like religious weirdos, mindless zombies and illegal aliens! Oh-OH,

A psychic girl, a science nerd, and a ninja join the crew

Taming animals by hitting them, ‘cause that’s what heroes do!

It’s a crazy universe where a rookie front desk nurse

can reanimate your slaughtered friends, oh,

Where you buy some farm-fresh eggs

and in five minutes they’ve got legs,

because now they’re frickin’ full grown hens!

Yeah, sing it chickens!

CHICKENS:

Bok bok bok bok,

BOK BOK BOK BOCKY-BOK BOK BOK,

Bok bok bok bok,

BOK BOK BOK BOCKY-BOK BOK BOK,

BRENT:

And that is Earthbound, that’s why we love it, so

If you don’t like it, feel free to shove it

It’s goofy, but I don’t mind, cause that’s the kind of a great adventure you might find

In the heart of a child… going wild!

Let’s hit the ATM! (Money money money money)

I’ve got like 80 grand in the bank (Money money)

Cuz my dad’s never home, he’s a phone, sending cash to say sorry

DAD: Sorry, I’m a phone.

BRENT:

We coulda bought some stock.

(Bought some stock, bought some stock)

Or fed a THIRD world countrY (Save the children, save the children)

But we’re kids, so we choose to get stuff we can use to fight robots

Is that COOL OR WHAT?

They fight through winter snows

And lands of leisure

They get two things from foes:

Nightmares and seizures!

So now they’re forced to grind, Fights last forever!

Reach level ninety-nine… The end is nigh.

Have a cup of coffee, Suddenly it’s trippy

Telephone your mother, This is just another

av’rage boy-meets-girl Boy-meets-boy-meets-boy

Boy-becomes-a-robot story

Yeah.

Spoiler alert:

Four robotic friends hold fast, traveling into the past

They meet the source of evil there,

and best him through the powEr of prayer

Kinda rips off Final Fantasy 4,

but Earthbound’s still a game that we adore…

That we adore…Key change, mofo!

This game is strange, But it has charming and smart jokes

And it has range, including 2 or 3 fart jokes

And that’s my Earthbound That’s why I love it, so

If you don’t like it Feel free to shove it

Come on everybody…say “fuzzy pickles!”

Ya know what I love? Earthbound.

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Lyrics by Brentalfloss

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