i pass a sign on the postit says stuffed monkey losti picture some sad faceas she twists with empty armsand i understand cause i remember.that october day you followed me homeand in a fit of innocence, i took you inyou were a passionate skeptic with a dimpled smileyou framed yourself so wellyou were a perfect 8 X 10and now i am alphabetizing my correspondence for some reasonand i'm guessing that's just meaningkeeping trackof who i've beenyou know time is just a grouchy vagrant slowly slouching pastand i'm sneezing at the dust from all the things that haven't lastedhe's laughing at me, time is laughing at me,cause in one of my piles, you suddenly just popped upa letter full of ellipses, like our history, all chopped upand it says you're crying unclewell i was never out to pin you downbut i'm sputtering, i'm stutteringyour words still blush me for a moment, now,so i stick you at the back of my stacks where i file your facein the brown box scribble-scrawled in black things to fix, someday.yeah, we're wrapped in tissue paper in the attic of my mindyou and melike a bad homemovie,where the whites are sour greenand the family hovers over buttered popcornto fill in the details of each sceneand the tape stock in my brain sticks togetherit feels so small and undignified of me to try and rememberyou, jogging circles around the gas pump in septemberracing back to the car, giddy and spentand we're kissing, kissing hardin front of the skinny full-service attendant, frowningor your arms in august full of firewood,a wildflower tucked like a cigarette behind your earyou're some boy-girl fifties moviestar, in my feature now appearingor weeping on my collarbone and pounding on my chestmy half-broken heroinemy restless 8 x 10or that last day on the railroad tracks,we were two little camperswe were swearing we'd writebut with the wryness of counselorswho had watched this promise happenevery last nightfor years,and of course we misplaced our pledges,folded starshaped in bookbag bottoms somewhere,will you remember? do you love her?check here.and i guess our stations changed or our volume fadedall i know is we left so differentthan we came into this,these lifetimes choose the ones who will educate usand i guess that's how it always is.so i buy a pack of marlboros like i never doand i waste six matches lighting one and think of youunder the stoplight of this brooklyn fulton streetmy anger looks so red and cheapit just crumples up and blows awayi'm rooted to the spot, surveying its fadingmy 8 X 10 is fadingi pass a sign on the post,it says stuffed monkey lostand i picture some sad face as she twistswith empty arms and i understand,cause i rememberthe day you followed me home.
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