It's a typical day in the universeAnother MC spits a puny verseI try to get through my day without sayin' a curseBecause I curse too much and such and suchI try to improve my vocabularyI try to cut out eatin' meat and dairyI wanna bring back the days of the tooth fairy'Cause I lost my innocenceI'm young and dumb and old and wise at the same time'Cause I know Jesus was a rock starAnd it was Elvis who turned water into wineI wanna save a kangaroo from a life in a zooI wanna own a llama, I want less drama in my lifeI think I really wanna be a happy housewifeI got 28 butts in the ashtrayI gotta pace myself, I'm smokin' like a chimneyAnother bottle of whiskey has been emptiedI know you wouldn't put it past meI really know how to party, reminisce about the dayWhen I was swiggin' my Bacardi28 butts in the ashtray because it's just meKeepin' myself companyI think back all the days I was smokin' carawhackIt was really kinda like an addiction, non fictionJust readin' my days and nights awayI used to pray to a funny little fat man'Til I found out he was Santa Clause'Cause Saint Nick never brought shitAnd there I go cursin' againI'm my only friend and I'm definitely my very worst enemyIt kinda triggers a memory, let's bring it back to 83When I ate a watermelon, swallowed the seedsSuddenly there was a watermelon growin' in my tummyI skipped a jump rope, every time I jumped upI heard a rattle that sounded like a tambourineI got 28 butts in the ashtrayI gotta pace myself, I'm smokin' like a chimneyAnother bottle of whiskey has been emptiedI know you wouldn't put it past meI really know how to party, reminisce about the dayWhen I was swiggin' my Bacardi28 butts in the ashtray 'cause it's just meKeepin' myself companyHey mama, are you proud of me'I applied for a job at MickeyD'sI gotta do somethin' with my lifeBecause my idle time is eatin' meLike I'm a super sized french fryDrenched in ketchup, fryin' over patch upBut I know I taste better than thatLike they used to taste before they outlawed trans fatI got 28 butts in the ashtrayI gotta pace myself, I'm smokin' like a chimneyAnother bottle of whiskey has been emptiedI know you wouldn't put it past meI really know how to party, reminisce about the dayWhen I was swiggin' my Bacardi28 butts in the ashtray because it's just meKeepin' myself company
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