I looked up at the ceiling the entire timenWell it didn’t last for longnLike 15 minutes or so. They had said it would hurt, but it didn’tnnHis face all grumped up, veins were showing on his foreheadnClosed my eyes and thought of dancers,nclosed my eyes and thought of dancersnnI thought of what my friends would saynI thought of how my life would changenI just laid real still there on the bed.nnAfterwards I said, like I hear you’re supposed to:n“Was it good for you as well”nHe was proud, said: “Ok we can do it againnBut maybe this time, you can do it better than thisnYou can do it better than this.”nnI faked to come, because I hear you’re supposed tonThere was obviously something wrong with me and I didn’t want him to knownnI was afraid he’d have a heartattack and dienI went to work at the shoestore and waved him goodbyenI felt sad, but I didn’t know whynnDo you want those in red, I saidn250 with laces, I saidnYears later, I can still vision that forehead