As I was using a cocktail umbrella to clean out the crepes from under my nails, nMaureen dug in, “evidence of absence is not nevidence of absinthe” nwhich meant I should know the difference between silver and tin, nwhich I do, so I stood up to dish it right back, nand predictably “crack” – the wooden garnish now impaled so I resat. n“Coincidentally Chris, this is no coincidence” nthat meant I should take the blame for every time I was late nso I began my list as I did every day nwith a series of apologies that will never be seen, nI crumpled it up and i threw it at Maureen and I said, n“Next to your name there's a song you should know.” nShe read what I wrote: n“Calling All Men Between The Ages of 22 and 40, Calling All Men Between The Ages.” nand with a sigh she began:n“Yes, if I recall the lyrics ran ‘Oh please, massage my feet’” nand we fell back to sleep by 8:38.n