The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me)
Dan Hicks & His Hot Licks

The piano has been drinkingnMy necktie is asleepnAnd the combo went back to New YorknThe jukebox has to take a leaknAnd the carpet needs a haircutnAnd the spotlight looks like a prison break (It's bright!)nAnd the telephone's out of cigarettesnAnd the balcony is on the makenAnd the piano has been drinkingnThe piano has been drinkingnnAnd the menus are all freezingnAnd the light man's blind in one eyenAnd he can't see out of the othernAnd the piano-tuner's got a hearing aid (Say what?)nAnd he showed up with his mothernAnd the piano has been drinkingnThe piano has been drinkingnMmm...nnAnd the bouncer is a Sumo wrestlernCream-puff Casper MilktoastnAnd the owner is a mental midgetnWith the I.Q. of a fence postn'Cause the piano has been drinkingnThe piano has been drinkingnnAnd you can't find your waitressnWith a Geiger counternAnd she hates you and your friendsnAnd you just can't get served without hernAnd the box-office is droolingnAnd the bar stools are on fire (Talk about a hot seat!)nAnd the newspapers were foolingnAnd the ash-trays have retiredn'Cause the piano has been drinkingnThe piano has been drinkingnThe piano has been drinkingnNot me

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Lyrics by Dan Hicks & His Hot Licks

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