The Auditels Family
CapaRezza

Vivo in una famiglia massonica che in confronto i membri della P2 di Gelli sembrano quelli dell'Azione Cattolica, una setta diabolica che decide laconica tutto ciò che si colloca nella sfera catodica, un'insolita accolita che conserva in una caverna il Sacro Share che dà la trasmissione eterna, fantasmi che infestano una stamberga nell'attesa che un direttore di rete vestito da prete ne asperga le terga. Noi decidiamo chi va in onda e chi va al diavolo, i conduttori ci invocano, con i palmi sul tavolo chiamano Spirito, se ci sei batti un colpo Col cavolo! Vuoi parlare con noi? Beh, per adesso beccati il tuo trisavolo. Siete tristi, volete fotografarci come turisti, svelarci come Agata Christie ma nessuno ci ha mai visti. Credeteci, siamo spiriti maligni e satanici, portiamo in basso gli indici per innalzare i calici. E quando si fa buio cantiamo tutti in cor

RIT: Tandighitan-Tandighitè,

siamo le famiglie dell'Auditel

Tandighitè-Tandighitan,

siamo noi che custodiamo lo Share.

Siamo spiriti nell'oscurità,

Tandighitè-Tandighitan,

premieremo con la pubblicità programmi di merda e non TV di qualità.

Ebbene sì, siamo gli Auditel e tramite un meter portiamo a termine mandati per cui siamo indicati come comete a Betlemme. Per le televendite Leten, per il teleutente Requiem e se il telefilm fa schifo si becca pure il sequel. Fissare una rete sarà umiliante per Boris Becker non per noi, segreti come lo specchio di Nanni Loy ma famosi come Lee roy, eroi come Brad Pitt in Troy, noi che riempiamo le fosse più del senno di poi. Abbiamo un piano con un punto cardine: trasformare i consigli per gli acquisti in un ordine, affossando i programmi di qualità perchè l'utente intelligente si sa che non ama la pubblicità-tà-tà-tà-tà. Tanto di novità ce ne saranno un paio, le votiamo per sbaglio e ci bloccano con l'aglio, svaniranno come in commando dell'ubimaior Sciuscià, Il Fatto, Satyricon e Raiot.

Non si solleverà nessun vespaio.

RIT.

Tu non voti alle politiche ma ti lamenti se le condizioni sono critiche, eppure televoti l'Isola dei Famosi d'Egitto convinto d'avere esercitato un tuo diritto. Segui l'Arma in mille fiction da commediografo, se ti ferma il caramba chiedi l'autografo, sposi la causa dei tifosi, in TV c'è più calcio che in una cura per osteoporosi. Avete problemi a palate ma li affidate agli astrologi, vi interessate ai cazzi altrui come gli andrologi e noi che abbiamo addetti perfetti per Scientology vi tramutiamo in cadaveri per cubici sarcofagi. Vuoi scovarci? Provaci, la strada è angusta, non siamo secondi ne alla CIA, ne al KGB, ne a Confindustria. Fà la cosa giusta, prendi la frusta e scendi nella ginna e fatti sfidare dal templare di Sant'Antenna che con un motivetto ti spenna.

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