Proud Crowd-pride Cried
Ferron

I can't call you from this place

To hear you say that I'm not your kind

It's a thin road before us, we're the wake left behind

It's sad and I fail to see what it had to do with you

And me

But I guess that's like wondering what's a point to a

Line

There must be something I wanted more than wanting your

Love

'Cause you stood in my doorway and I stood in my glove

Most afraid to follow, a kingdom my stride

It's so telling what won't live with hunger and pride.

I thought of you often but I never could tell you

The 'you' that I cherished, something hurt me so bad

A few had come close, I couldn't take them in either

I guess the distance between us was my love never had.

And though we live separate I keep two rooms open

One has you in it, the other does not

And I move in the middle, unsure and protected

And I trip on my rope, vaguely sensing I'm caught.

A friend tried to find me and saw through to my wheel

She said you're now on the bottom, it's either that or

The top

You can keep yourself tiny and bang on the big door

Or take the space saved for the queen of the hop

But you know queens have their problems too,

And my size won't stay static

I like to think I never was one for the hoop anyway

And then that night I dreamed again of the far side of

Nothing

And trembling with terror I chose to come back this

Way.

In the streets or the 'after, ' in the churches or in

Memory,

The light that will guide you is the source of the

Flame

While stumbling the back alleys in search of right

Action

I fell and wept darkly and acknowledged your name

And the door to my prison dissolved right before me

But like a young fool I quick looked for a power to

Claim

And my wailing increased with the shock of the

Knowledge

That I often have needed something out there to blame.

I give up my fisted touch, my thoughts strong like

Fences

My totem-pole stature, body chipped to the bone

I'm nobody's saviour, and nobody's mine either

I hear the desert wind whisper But neither are we

Alone.

Sure I long to ask how you're doing, if you got to the

Lightness

That you wanted so fiercely when we drifted that way

There's no telephones ringing now, but I feel something

Calling me

And I'm ready to go, I just need time to say

Hearts are like meadows, with their weathered potential

With their reasons diluted by reason itself

I may be shivering at the foot of this slow-giving

Mountain

But the tiny spring flowers can look just like you

And I won't ask the purpose of all of my footsteps

And I won't let my eyelids cast down

I am looking for something outside of forgiveness

You might call it the jewel of the crown.

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