No Sex
Chris Rock

{Ladies and gentlemen of the GED class of 1999

I have one piece of advice for you

No matter what a stripper tells you

There's no sex in the champagne room

None}


{Oh there's champagne in the champagne room

But you don't want champagne, you want sex

And there's no sex

In the champagne room}


Don't go to parties with metal detectors

Sure it feels safe inside, but what about

All those niggaz waitin' outside with guns?

They know you ain't got one


If a woman tells you she's 20 and looks 16, she's 12

If she tells you she's 26, and looks 26, she's damn near 40

Take off that silly-ass hat

The O.D.B. couldn't have possibly committed all those crimes

Coolio did some of that shit


Young black men, if you go to a movie theater

And someone steps on your foot, let it slide

Why spend the next twenty years in jail

'Cause someone smudged your Puma?

Cornbread, ain't nuttin' wrong with that


No matter what you think of what I'm sayin'

Remember this one thing

There is no sex

In the champagne room


No sex in the champagne room

No sex in the champagne room

No sex in the champagne room

No sex in the champagne room

No sex in the champagne room

No sex in the champagne room

Absolutely, positively, no sex in the champagne room


If a homeless person, has a funny sign

He hasn't been homeless that long

A real homeless person

Is too hungry, to be funny


If a girl has a pierced tongue

She'll probably suck your dick


If a guy has a pierced tongue

He'll probably suck your dick



Here's a horoscope for everyone

Aquarius, you're gonna die

Capricorn, you're gonna die

Gemini, you're gonna die twice

Leo, you're gonna die

Scorpio, you're gonna die fucking

Ohh yeah

No one goes to hooters for wings

No no no


If you've been dating a man for four months

And you haven't met any of his friends

You are not his girlfriend


Some of the things I've said may not apply to you

Some of the things I've said may offend you

But no matter who you are, you must remember this one thing


No matter what a stripper says

There's no sex in the champagne room

None


No sex in the champagne room

Said no sex in the champagne room

No sex in the champagne room

No no sex in the champagne room

No sex in the champagne room

Can't get none

Can't have none

In the champagne room

Said there's absolutely, positively

No sex in the champagne room


Said no, no

Said no

Said Chris said.

There ain't no sex

In the champagne room

No no no

Can't get none

Can't have none


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Lyrics by Chris Rock

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