Late For School
Steve Martin

woke up this mornin,
clock said I was late for school,
teacher told me that's not cool
gotta put my shirt and pants on,
flew down the front stair,
wet my fingers and slicked my hair,
elbowed grandma passing by,
her face went into a pie.

If I'm late there's misery,
I won't be up on history,
I'll be in the English grammar slammer,
and I'll get a C.
Got a warning last semester,
told my mom and that depressed her,
promised dad I won't be late, so gotta accelerate,
let's go!

Ran out the front door,
moving like a meteor,
i sped across the front lawn quickly,
missed the bus, my shoelace tripped me,
rounded the corner,
homework flying as I go,
neighbor shouted tally ho!
and gave a standing O.

Lept across three lawn flamingos,
waved to Sal, (he's Filipino)
jumped the fence,
and found that I was headed toward a pool.
in the air I did look funny,
on tv I'd make some money,
waved my arms and legs like mad
to alter where I'd land, WHOO!

Aimed for the rubber boat,
hit instead the kiddie float.
I began to lose control,
I'm so glad I learned to log roll.
jumped onto the diving board,
bounced off it then headed toward,
a jungle gym,
i bounced just right and caught onto a kite.
WHOA! -I'm flying)

I'm so high, i see the school,
8AM, that's the rule!
flying slowly, time is marking,
down below the dogs are barking,
I feel like I'm sailing,
but uh-oh, the wind is failing,
now I'm headed downward, groundward,
clownward to the school.

on the football field I crashed,
50-yard line, perfect smash,
grabbed my books and so begins
my frantic final dash.
down the hall i ricochet,
trophy cases in the way,
the other kids are all in class,
I wish that I were they, WHOA!
ALMOST THERE!

I see the clock hands with delight,
8AM exactly right!
I pull a handle with a fight,
the door is locked and that's not right
there's not a person here today,
is everybody out to play?
now i'm thinking and it's sinking in,
it's saturday!
OHH!! I could have stayed in bed!

I'm out the school gate
wish that I could aviate,
or possibly evaporate,
I'll be home and back in bed soon,
my dad is waiting
what the heck were you up to,
let's go fishing,
my oh my, your grandma's face is in a pie

This is really something,
I'm with dad and fish are jumping,
mom gave me a new alarm
to set for monday morn.
never wanna be late for school'
never wanna be the classroom fool,
I'd be in the English grammar, slammer,
and I'll get a D!
Now my feet are doing dances,
HIP HOORAY for second chances!
I'm not late and life is great, it's time to celebrate, WHOA!

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Lyrics by Steve Martin

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