LyricMeaning

I See Everything
La Dispute

Like any morning of my junior year I stumble in the classroom late but this day I see
Faces, I feel an air like a funeral, like a wake, as I sit dow.
My teacher speaking, somewhat somberly, but still confident and calm.
Part eulogy, her speech, and part poem, part celebration song.
Her warmth and smile, she passes photocopies out to us of entries from a journal
Kept so long ago. She starts to read and suddenly it’s 1980.

March 5-The cancer is furious but our son is resilient,
we have all the faith we’ll get through this no matter what the end.
Treatments are violent but he keeps on smiling.
It’s amazing finding joy in the little things.

April 12-Andrew’s appetites improved and we thank God everyday.
But still it’s hard sometimes to see him in that scarecrow frame.

July 9-There’s a suffering when I look in his eyes. He’s been through so much.
We’ve all been through so much but what incredible resolve our little boy shows,
only 7, standing face to face with death.
He said it’s easy to find people who have suffered worse than him.
“Like Jesus, suffered worse than anyone,” he told me last night, “when God abandoned him.”

September 20-We’ve been playing in the yard lately and spirits are high
although his blood counts aren’t.

October 14-He feels tired all the time.

November 30-At the hospital again. It feels like home when we’re here.

December 8-He’s getting worse.

January 19-We buried our son today, our youngest child,
and while his death was ugly we must not let it scare us from God.
Abundant grace has restored him. A brand new body.
And set him free from the torture, finally rid of the cancer.
Before the moment he left he briefly wrested from death, suddenly opened his eyes, said,
“I SEE EVERYTHING. I SEE EVERYTHING.”

And I will never forget it, the peace and the comfort you displayed through a pain
that I can only imagine. The loss of a child to the torture of cancer. Help me.
Because I can only imagine how you recovered,
kept your faith and held the brightness of life inside the smile of a child you had to bury.
And I will never forget him or your steadfast faith.
No, I will never forget you. Now six or seven years later, I’m devoid of all faith.
I am empty of comfort and I am weary of waiting.
Though I’ve felt nowhere what you have, I see nothing at all.
Though I’ve felt nowhere what he did, my eyes are closed.


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Lyrics by La Dispute

  35   A Broken Jar   A Departure   A Letter   A Letter   A Poem   A Poem   A Word Of Welcome And Of Warning   A Word Of Welcome And Warning   All Our Bruised Bodies And The Whole Heart Shrinks   Andria   Bur Your Flame   Bury Your Flames   Damaged Goods   Edit Your Hometown   Edward Benz, 27 Times   Eleven   Extraordinary Dinner Party   Fairmount   Fall Down, Never Get Back Up Again   First Reactions After Falling Through The Ice   For Mayor in Splitsville   Future Wars   Harder Harmonies   He Is Here, He Is Not Afraid   How I Feel   Hudsonville   Hudsonville MI 1956   Hudsonville, MI 1956   Hudsonville, MI 1956   King Park   Last Blues   Last Blues For Bloody Knuckles   New Storms For Older Lovers   Nine   Nobody, Not Even The Rain   Objects in Space   Objects In Spaceterenberg   Sad Prayers For Guilty Bodies   Safer In The Forest / Love Song For Poor Michigan   Safer In The Forest/Love Song For Poor Michigan   Said The King To The River   Scenes from Highways 1981-2009   See You In Vancouver   St. Paul Missionary Baptist Church Blues   Stay Happy There   Such Small Hands   Sunday Morning, At A Funeral   Ten   The Castle Builders   The Child We Lost 1963   The Last Lost Continent   The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit   The Surgeon And The Scientist   Then Again, Maybe You Were Right   To Withstand The Force Of Storms   Twelve   Why It Scares Me   Woman   Woman (In Mirror)   Woman (Reading)   You And I In Unison

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