I Drank Only Water
The Online Romance

My lost love invited me to share a meal, you see. I'd supply the vegetables and she'd provide the tofu and the tea. Her memory still haunted me, but Thursday seemed as good a time as ever.

I arrived, standing at her door with a wet paper sack of carrots, sprouts and celery. She lead me to the kitchen in the back. I felt my composure crack when she turned and handed me the cutting board.

All I want is for her blue eyes to link with mine. I vainly hoped that we'd pretend that things were still just fine, but she's ruined by society and I, by what's inside of me.

Now she's pulling out the wine. She says it is a '60 Chardonnay. I wouldn't know the difference so I cough and fake the next line of our play. I know but will not say all the things she would have rather heard along the way.

As we eat, her hands shake just a bit. I thought she might be nervous but she soon removes the last doubt benefit, and when she spoke she spit. She is on her seventh glass already.

I watch my table manners. I won't provoke a fight but I'm walking on calm coals that threaten to come alight. My stomach's pleased and yet my mind, it does ferment just like the wine here on this painful night.

Her eyes give me a glare across the feet between these seats, where we sit opposite and chew our bites like speaking was obscene. My train of thought careens and crashes into memories of us smiling.

But then she speaks: She feels that we'd be better off had we added in the pepper five minutes into the simmering of the broth. I smooth the tablecloth and contemplate the least offensive words. I watch my table manners. I won't provoke a fight but I'm walking on calm coals that threaten to come alight. My measurements were all correct but now i see as i reflect, i was never really right.

The table is prepared with delicate ghosts of moments shared at times when I didn't know I cared. Oh, but I'm such a sentimental fellow, because all these forks and knives I see are just figments of a relative history, 'cause they're only visible to me and not the girl I wish could see them. It seems she can't see anything at all beyond the half-empty plates that now cover the length of the table.


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