Hey, Dad, I've been floating down the rivernTo the place you retired tonAway from the women who despise younI've been sad, 'cause all my friends resent menBut I got a plan for a miracle!nI'll shit it out and put it on the tablennDear Son, should I be a proud one?nI saw what you said on the tellynYou made your mother sound so sillynHow is my offspring so pretentious?nYour art is lazy, trite and schlockynI should've sent you out for hockey.