There's a big fat guy in cut-offs wants to soap my windscreen
You said you'd love me longer than nuclear waste can glow
And you asked did I love you too, but I wasn't listening
I was watching the sky, it was starting to snow
Outside the health food store, we passed that cocksucker Carson
I used to really have the hots for his sexy French wife
Elle avait les cuisses legeres, if you know what I'm saying
I could've listened to her voice mail message for the rest of my life
Look, I'm happy, I said, though I knew you knew I was lying.
You said, Aww, come on, it's Christmas soon.
And I wanted to hurt you, I wondered if I dared tell you that tape
Of love songs you made me I taped over with Marquee Moon
You said, I hope you've bought me some real cool stuff for Christmas
A book on Magritte and some fishnet stockings, I lied
And you laughed and clamped on the headphones of your Walkman
There was a guy in a Bugs Bunny mask trying to hitch a ride
And in the dashboard lights and the dance of the windscreen wipers
I somehow saw the whole secret meaning of my life
When we get home I'm gonna condense it down to a haiku
And scrawl it along my veins with a Stanley knife