my brain is bogged down with too many thoughts, too much depressionnni wish i could break down the language barrier that keeps us from getting closer,nncloser in a mental state, maybe physically, maybe closer to the truth.nnnnwhat i feel always ends up broken down into words i cannot express because of their non-existencenni can never seem to express the good feelings,nnbut the bad fly from my tongue with ease.nnnnwhen i give love and it's not returned,nni easily say i feel pain, depression, sadness.nnbut, when my love is returnednnmy mouth opens and shit is all that comes out.nnnnwhere are the good words, do they exist?nncomplexity seems to be the definition of my lifennmaybe this is why i don't think i'll live long,nndon't want to live long.nnnnno answers for my questions,nnand more questions from life's answersnnmy screams are not expressions, they are me.nnnngoddamn this hotseat, this crown, and this settlement.nnthis environment is soothing knife through water,nnthe cut is smooth and effective, the settled man is here forever.nnnnwon't go anywhere for nothing.nnhe's foreign but legal, his nation will never bleed.nni can only hope i do.nnnni was born a member, and i can't sever myself,nnbut i can depart from it.nni will kiss the pearly gates goodbye.