Dwarf Documentary
Simon Bookish

I hide in a log cabinnWith a large group of strangers.nWe don't know what's outside,nBut it's making us pretty nervous.nnChannel Four make a terrible fussnAbout appointing a dwarfnTo present all of their children's programmes.nHe turns out to be really, rather good;nExceptionally engaging and handsome.nA long-term documentary of his life is commissioned.nnI go to the park:nIt's very bright and looks like plastic -nLike a cartoon.nThe grass is very green, and the sky is very blue,nAnd the ducks have left a lot of duckshitnAll over a little island in the river.nnI sit on the grassnAnd explain to George Bush and Donald RumsfeldnHow ducks stand on one leg,nTo avoid getting shit on both feet.nThey're very interested and ask me to demonstrate.nnIn the supermarket I buynWeird fluffy toys for my little brother.nThey all have ineffectual limbs, grey threadbare fur,nAn irregular number of eyes and ears.nI am delighted that the supermarket stocks them,nSince I know that my brother has real-life creatures like thisnLiving in his backyard.nnI wonder about barefoot in the duckshit,nThen feel guilty because I promised my friends in the log cabinnI wouldn't talk to George Bush,nAnd, now, I have.nnThe dwarf on Channel Four has grown old;nHe resembles a miniature Edith Sitwell,nWith his headscarf and sunken cheeks,nAnd he's apparently now an iconic figure in the art world.nHe's been asked to appear to appear on the catwalk shownWith Vivian Westward's new collection,nAnd Channel Four will be covering the event for the documentary,nNaturally.nn1 - 2 - 1 - 2 - 1 - 2n1 - 2 - 1 - 2 - 1 - 2nn1 - 2 - 1 - 2 - 1 - 2n1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5n1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5n1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5n1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5n1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5n1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5n1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5n1 - ha, ha, ha - wownnMy father and InHave a ridiculously melodramatic argument.nWe're both like Laurence Olivier doing Greek tradegy:nAll flailing arms and accusatory eyes.nThe lighting is suitably stark;nWe're spotlit from below.nnAll of the clothes are black and yellow,nStriking geometric patterns on enormous angular outfits.nWestward explains to the camera that,nIf she can see the faces of the people in the audience,nShe gets nervous,nSo everyone has had to comenWearing an animal head over their evening wear.nThe camera pans out for the last shot.nn1 - ha, ha, ha - wow

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