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Dear Evey
Hug of War

I was twenty-one, having fun and living in Tempe. Imprudent and getting student debt, my wallet was empty. My diet was Jack D, nicotine and caffeine. I got fired from Green, the king of vegan cuisine. But I could give more time to my metal band, sell some petals and still live in grime as planned. I started dating a lady who I knew through my crew, and she was going to have my baby who turned out to be you. It was such a surprise. I was so unwise and I surmised I couldn't soothe your cries. I couldn't see what I should do with me, but I couldn't be a parental absentee, a half-assed deadbeat, forever incomplete, letting life pass me by, run by fear and conceit. I don't care much for human beings, they have the tendency to be rude and mean. But you surpass the classless assholes whose hate creates their own fate. You're something great. Sweet child, although I'm atheist, I thank God you exist.

Dear Evey, thank you for giving my life meaning. The joy you're bringing makes me want to keep singing. I learn something new from you every day, and I hope you feel the same way. Dear Evey, when I think I can't take anymore, it's you I adore and have to account for. Through all the pain I feel, you help me heal. My love for you is real.

I had to know you. You could help me grow too. We'd have each other in this life we'd go through. I went to court and got joint custody. These new responsibilities entrusted me, I took so seriously it made a delirious me. I fell in love with seeing you look curiously at the world unfurl and make sense of what you see. I'm almost thirty, and life still confuses me. I've made more mistakes than things I've done correctly. But I don't care if they reject me, because you accept me. I don't know how to better state this, but I know that you do and will achieve greatness. Until my life ends, I'll love you the most. You'll be my best friend, no one will even come close. Something divine's what you'll leave behind if you try to be kind.


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