(Ho, ho, ho...Play it Grandpa...Yeah, play it...Let's tell them a little story
about what happened this Christmas.... Yeah, tell them... tell 'em 'bout
Christmas)
Christmas Eve, I didn't get much sleep
I kept hearing things, heavy breathing from the chimney
Who could it be?
(I'll tell you what it was... What happened then, Ben?... Yeah, what
happened?... Well, I went back to sleep... You went back to sleep? Back to
sleep? Shit... Tired man, went back to sleep)
And in the morning, I couldn't believe my eyes
A whale of a corpe with a long white beard
Was dangling over the fire
oh, Santa he's a big fat fuck
Went down the chimney got his fat ass stuck
Oh, honey, call the lawyers fast
'Cause Mrs. Clause is gonna sue my ass
hey, hey, hey
(Ok grandpa, step up, sing in this thing right here, tell 'em what you saw,
tell 'em what you saw grandpa)
I gotta tell you folks,
He wasn't wearin no clothes
He musta rubbed a whole gallon of Crisco oil
from his back down to his toes
While I was talking to the cops outside
The dog was lickin Crisco off of his thighs
They hauled him away in a double-wide
What a sad, sad way to die
Hey, hey, hey
Santa, he's a big, fat fuck
went down the chimney, got his fat ass
oh, honey call the lawyers fast,
Mrs. Claus is gonna sue our ass
Bizarre Christmas Incident
Ben Folds Five
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Lyrics by Ben Folds Five
"Selfless, Cold, and Composed" Air Air [*] Alice Childress Alice Childress - KCRW All U Can Eat (They Give No Fuck) Annie Waits Army Away When You Were Here Bad Idea - Demo Bad Idea (Original Demo Version) Bad Idea (Retarded) Barrytown Battle of Who Could Care Less Best Imitation of Myself Boxing Boxing - Live Break Up At Food Court Brick Carrying Cathy Cigarette Cool whip Crosstown Traffic Do It Anyway Dog Don't Change Your Plans Draw a Crowd Eddie Walker Emaline Erase Me Evaporated Fair Fired For All The Pretty People For All the Pretty People [*] For Those Of Y'all Who Wear Fanny Packs For Those Of Ya'll That Wear Fanny Packs Fred Jones Pt 2 Give Judy My Notice Golden Slumbers Guilty Half Asleep Hava Nagila (isreali Folk Song) Hold That Thought Hospital Song In Between Days (The Cure) Jackson Cannery Jackson Cannery - 7 & Quot ; Jackson Cannery - 7' Jackson Cannery - 7\ Jackson Cannery (Original 7" Version) Jane Julianne Julianne - Live Kalamazoo Kate Landed Learn to Live with What You Are Leather Jacket Lonely Christmas Eve Losing Lisa Lullabye Magic Mess Michael Praytor, Five Years Later Missing the War Mitchell Lane Mitchell Lane [*] Narcolepsy Not The Same On Being Frank One Angry Dwarf & Two Hundred Solemn Faces One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces One Angry Dwarf And Two Hundred Solemn Faces One Down Philosophy Philosophy - Live Prince Charming Protection Rachel Rain Drops Keep Falling On My Head Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head Regrets Rockin The Suburbs Rockin' The Suburbs Rocking The Suburbs Rockstar Rocky Satan Is My Master Selfless Cold And Confused Selfless, Cold, & Composed She Don't Use Jelly Sky High Smoke Song for the Dumped Song For The Dumped Minor Songs of Love (Divine Comedy) Sports And Wine Steven's Last Night In Town Still Fighting It Thank You for Breaking My Heart The Ascent Of Stan The Last Polka The Luckiest The Secret Life Of Morgan Davis The Sound Of The Life Of The Mind The Ultimate Sacrifice There's Always Someone Cooler Than You Tiny Dancer Tom & Mary Tom and Mary Tonight The Bottle Let Me Down Tonight The Bottle Let Me Down (merle Haggard) Twin Falls Ultimate Sacrifice Uncle Walter Underground Underground (live) Video Video Killed The Radio Star Video Killed the Radio Star [#][*] Wave a White Flag Wave A White Flag (elvis Costello) Where's Summer B.? Xfire You Make Me Mommy Your Most Valuable Possession Your Most Valuable Possesson Your Redneck Past Zak And Sara
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