Listen very carefullynI'll say this only once - nI haven't had a moment's peace nIn thirty-seven monthsnCommitments squeezed like tinned sardinesnInto each precious hournBut I'll survive, 'cause where there's lifenThere's generally a barnn(Line 'em up)nnBirths and deaths and marriagesnCabbages and kingsnSlugs and snails and e-mailsnOther precious thingsnCherubim and seraphimnGo green with envy fornAll the births and deaths and marriagesnMortality affordsnnToday a man got on my tram nAnd wiped his sweaty necknAnd suddenly, I saw how henMust look whilst having (sex!)nI felt like Henry the Sixth felt nWhen he sang hystericallynWatching the slaughter his supportersnThought he ought to seennBirths and deaths and marriagesnDivorces, christeningsnIsn't life a roll of strifenRound a splendid thingnCherubim and seraphimnContinually do crynLife's wasted on these mortal onesnSo can we have a try?nn(Yeah)nnHere's a story 'bout a boy nIgnored by all the classnBroke his leg so he could get themnAll to sign his castnBut instead of writing Get Well SoonnThey wrote You SucknA dreadful story, I'm terribly sorrynAt least I - made it up!nnBirths and Deaths and MarriagesnCabbages and kingsnTops and tails and screams and wailsnCheated in betweennWhat the hell? I'm fit and wellnI'm able and I'm willingnI'm not from Venus or from Mars -nI'm from Enniskillen!nnSo why watch the nation's Hundred GreatestnThings In HistorynWhen the top spot goes by lotnTo Bohemian Rhapsody?nYou will never see a poor bookienThe dealer always winsnAnd there ain't no clocks 'round the Vegas slotsnKeep texting your votes innn(Woo!)nnGoodnight, and may your God go with younnn