I had known her for years. One summer we became very close very quickly, like an obvious truth, an equation that was unable to go unsolved any longer. We were both amazed. It was a small and happy miracle, obliterating grey memories that held me in black syrup, suspended in life.
We agreed to meet after I had returned from a trip of miles by the thousands. The distance, the time. A journey that would end in a unique and shared space.
Upon returning, I started cleaning the house for her arrival, even though she told me not to and she didn't care what the place was like, as long as I was in it. For two jet-lagged days I cleaned at odd hours. I didn't hear from her. I knew that she was busy, so, I kept cleaning and anticipating her arrival. I felt worthy of the ground beneath my feet. I was in the world for sure. I had to be, you see - she liked me.
On the third day of expectation and anticipation, I received a phone message to call a woman whose name I didn't recognise. She said she had urgent information regarding my incoming friend. I called the number and announced myself to a woman, who upon hearing my name started hyperventilating and crying. She said, Nobody knew how to reach you. The urgent information was that my friend, the one who liked me, had died in an accident two days ago. The voice on the phone told me that the day before her death, she spoke of little else than her upcoming trip to see me. We hung up soon after, so we could retreat into the horror of it all.
I had to go to the studio an hour later to begin a weeks' worth of work. I don't remember much of that week.
There's a small bend in the road near my home, and when I drive on it at night, I suddenly wonder if there's something I don't understand. Maybe I just don't have the right phone number to reach her. Maybe if I asked someone, they'd say Oh, she's right over there, she's been wondering where you've been. She's been talking about you nonstop. Well, just don't stand there! But I talked to her mother, and mothers always know when their children are gone. It's quiet in my room at night.
I've been seeing a lot of caves in the newspapers lately. Men in caves, isolated in vast stretches of mountain rock. In such a place, one could perhaps forget. In such a fissure, one could sit suspended in black syrup, breathing, extinct. A kind of hibernation until such time one would be unable to distinguish the sound of beautiful music from the sound of the whipping wind searching out cracks in the rocky expanse. And maybe at such time, the mind would become unburdened, so that gravity and purpose might rejoin this one who has tried so hard to forget so much.
Accident
Henry Rollins
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Lyrics by Henry Rollins
1000 Times Blind A Man And A Woman Alien Blueprint All I Want Almost Real Another Life Are You Ready Black and White Blues Jam Bottom Brother Interior Burned Beyond Recognition Change It Up Civilized Clintonese Crazy Lover Crazy Lover (In Album Hot Animal Machine) Disappearing Act Disconnect Divine Object Of Hatred Do It Down & Away Down And Away During A City Feel Like This Followed Around Fool Get Some, Go Again Ghost Rider Going Out Strange Gone Inside The Zero Grip Gun In Mouth Blues Hangin' Around Hard Hello Hot Animal Machine 1 Hot Animal Machine I Hot Animal Machine Ii Hotter and Hotter I Go Day Glo I Want So Much More Icon Idiot If You're Alive Illumination Inhale/Exhale Israel Just Like You Language Laughing Man (In the Devil Mask) Let That Devil Out Liar Lonely Love Song Love's so Heavy Low Self Opinion Mask Monster Move Move Right In Neon Next Time No One Obscene On My Way To The Cage On the Day One Shot Out There Planet Joe Rejection Right Here, Too Much Saying Goodbye Again Shame Shine Spilling Over The Side Starve Step Back Stop Look & Listen Stop Look & Listen Tearing Tearing (Me Apart) The End Of Something The Whole Truth There's A Man Outside Thinking Cap Thursday Afternoon Tired Turned Inside Out Turned Out Up For It USO Tour Volume 4 War [Globo Tech Edit] War [Globo Tech Mich] War [Instrumental] War [Remix] War [The Gorgonite Mix No. 1] War [The Gorgonite Mix No. 2] Wartime We Walk Alone What Am I Doing Here? What Do You Do What Have I Got What Have I Got (Version Ii) What's The Matter Man Wreckage Wrong Man You Didn't Need You Didn't Need (Version Ii) You Let Yourself Down You Look At You Your Number Is One
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