It's a typical day in the universenAnother MC spits a puny versenI try to get through my day without sayin' a cursenBecause I curse too much and such and suchnnI try to improve my vocabularynI try to cut out eatin' meat and dairynI wanna bring back the days of the tooth fairyn'Cause I lost my innocencennI'm young and dumb and old and wise at the same timen'Cause I know Jesus was a rock starnAnd it was Elvis who turned water into winenI wanna save a kangaroo from a life in a zoonI wanna own a llama, I want less drama in my lifenI think I really wanna be a happy housewifennI got 28 butts in the ashtraynI gotta pace myself, I'm smokin' like a chimneynAnother bottle of whiskey has been emptiednI know you wouldn't put it past mennI really know how to party, reminisce about the daynWhen I was swiggin' my Bacardin28 butts in the ashtray because it's just menKeepin' myself companynnI think back all the days I was smokin' carawhacknIt was really kinda like an addiction, non fictionnJust readin' my days and nights awaynI used to pray to a funny little fat mann'Til I found out he was Santa Clausen'Cause Saint Nick never brought shitnAnd there I go cursin' againnnI'm my only friend and I'm definitely my very worst enemynIt kinda triggers a memory, let's bring it back to 83nWhen I ate a watermelon, swallowed the seedsnSuddenly there was a watermelon growin' in my tummynI skipped a jump rope, every time I jumped upnI heard a rattle that sounded like a tambourinennI got 28 butts in the ashtraynI gotta pace myself, I'm smokin' like a chimneynAnother bottle of whiskey has been emptiednI know you wouldn't put it past mennI really know how to party, reminisce about the daynWhen I was swiggin' my Bacardin28 butts in the ashtray 'cause it's just menKeepin' myself companynnHey mama, are you proud of me'nI applied for a job at MickeyD'snI gotta do somethin' with my lifenBecause my idle time is eatin' mennLike I'm a super sized french frynDrenched in ketchup, fryin' over patch upnBut I know I taste better than thatnLike they used to taste before they outlawed trans fatnnI got 28 butts in the ashtraynI gotta pace myself, I'm smokin' like a chimneynAnother bottle of whiskey has been emptiednI know you wouldn't put it past mennI really know how to party, reminisce about the daynWhen I was swiggin' my Bacardin28 butts in the ashtray because it's just menKeepin' myself company