Today boys and girls we have a special speaker in the house tonightAnd he's gonna teach you about life and deathI was born a God damn failureDropped outta school at mitaliaFound me a nickel and lost a dimeMy whole life story came true in a rhymeI don't know what the fuck was on my mindI tried suicide 4 or 5 timesTryed to take a whiff into wrist but it didn't workAnd it seems I'm the only one that's gettin' hurtNow I gotta bullet and a chain, and I'm fulla sweatI decide to play a game of Russian RouletteClick, click, click I guess I loose I didn't winSo I decide to do it again and againNow it's gettin' borin' 'cause I keep on loosin'I guess I'm kinda cruisin' for a bruisin'Then I take a knife and put a 6 in my head3 times then I say I wish I was deadBlood drippin' off my foreheadAnd then I'm lyin' in my deathbed, but I'm not deadI gotta headache so I'm gettin' somethin' for it seeI take some Tylenols, about 23So what you wanna follow meI got 13 ways to commit suicideWho would like to hang from a tree?I would I would, then listen close to meYou get some sturdy rope and put it 'round your neckTie a real good knot, or the shit won't workIt's best to put it in a nooseJust incase you have second thoughts you can't get looseNow we're at number 6This a real goody no special effects or countertricksTie a big rock to your foot no mistakesThen jump your ass in a deep lakeGet yourself some gas, then drink that shitThen drink some more, then you smoke the cigaretteOr better yet, get real drunk and take a real long driveOn the freeway down the wrong sideBrother you're bound to make a hitIt's like lettin' a pitbull suck a dickSo if you wanna follow meI got 13 ways to commit suicideNow we're on number 11Did you know suicidalists didn't go to heaven?'No where they go man? take another guessMatter fact take another suicidal testThis is what you do manGo jump your monkey ass off a real tall buildingAnd then you live through that oneYou get reincarnated mean you get to come back sonBut I seriously doubt that'Cause you been tryin' to kill yourself you don't give a shit about thatAll you wanna do is dieMaybe motherfuckers kill themselves but don't know whyBut I know why I'm teachin' you thisWhy? Should you have to kill yourself, you don't missTo prevent a miss, you put a gun in your mouthAnd blow your fuckin' brains outFuck your mommy, fuck your daddy, nobody caresLook how they treated you over the yearsWhat you oughta do is kill them then youA suicidalist dream come trueSo if you wanna follow meI got 13 ways to commit suicide
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